TRANSFORMERS MOVIE REVIEW

TRANSFORMERS (2007)

This movie begs the major question: if you could transform into anything, what would it be?

It is such a hard question to answer and reminds me of the stuff that some of my high school teachers put on their tests to trick me. That is why I was never a good student. I don't like teachers and I don't like hard questions.

However, I do like the idea of transforming myself into something other than myself. I thought about this as I made my way to the parking lot and bumped into some skater boys.

I asked them what they would want to transform into. You may find their answers surprising and even shocking.

One kid said a skateboard so he wouldn't have to shell out $150 for a new one every few years. I told him this was stupid. Skateboards can kill and even worse, break people's arms and bones.

One kid said milk because it does the body good. I told him I am milk intolerant, but I wouldn't mind turning into a milk mustache because:

1. Mustaches are cool. Look at Magnum P.I., David Hasselhoff, and Mr. Belding from "Saved By The Bell" for example.
2. A milk mustache is not only cool, but funny. Especially if it is on a girl (this is because girl's aren't supposed to have hair on their upper lip, unless of course they are from Eastern Europe. I've met a lot of Eastern European women and they are known for having hair all over their bodies and faces).

One kid said money so he would never have to work again. I sort of liked this idea because work stinks. That is why I haven't worked in three years and I refuse to work to this day.

By this time the cops told us to scram so we did.

That is when I realized what I would want to transform into. Everything.

If I could transform into everything, it would make my life so much easier. Especially doing the dishes because I wouldn't have to wash them with my hands. I would transform into a dishwasher and that would take care of everything.

This is why transforming into everything makes so much sense.

I don't know if this is possible, but my first guess is that I should talk to Michael Bay about this. He directed this movie so I'm sure he knows a thing or two about transformers, transformation, and everything.